lights off

she was fooling around. everyone was saying that she was. acting thoughtless, reckless, for what it had been worth, once in a lifetime she needed to feel free by any means. no bonds. no one to care or to be cared for. meaningless. time passed by. months and years went along her eyes. she suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, shaking. her head was aching. she looked around. no clue about what time it was. she lit up a cigarette. it always helped to get her brain rolling. what the hell was going wrong? what on earth had happened? why did she choose the catway? well..there were a couple of reasons. she looked for the old ashtray.nowhere it was. she couldn't turn the light on. the darkness kept her calm. what if she would die within 2 minutes? negative thought.oups. maybe some vodka could help her out. her mouth tasted bitter. no. she finally stood up and walked to the kitchen. Yogurt with grandma's marmelade. that's the best company in the world. no doubt.

no sex, no drug, no party could ever fullfill her wants. what was it that she wanted? what could make her happy. the question remained till early in the morning when the first morning light shined on her face. her body felt heavy. another day in paradise. grandma always said, "do what you have to do with joy". what was joy again? pleasure? as difficult as it was, she wore her simple black dress and the usual heels at last and drove fast to work. today she was smiling.